Yikes. He’s a Psycho.

13 Oct


Exciting moment for me!  This is the first story I’ve gotten from a dater out there who I don’t already know!  My other stories have come from my loyal friends, indulging me in my extracurricular endeavor of keeping this blog.  Imagine my excitement when I received this story from my new blog follower, “Kissing♥Connoisseur” (love the name, by the way).  What do you do when you meet someone who turns out to be a total psycho?  Read on and find out.  Excellent first non-friend share, Ms. K.C.! 

I dropped by at a party and didn’t know most people there who were busy talking to acquaintances, so I chilled out in the same spot next to a guy and his guy friend. By the time he understands I was alone, he introduced me to himself and friend. Then his friend had to leave so he started giving me his undivided attention. We were fantastic dance partners,he brought me cocktails in between, he touched me tenderly, it was getting very romantic and he looked cute—but something was very odd about him, he appeared very hyper, jerked around a lot and made gestures while he talked a 100 km/hr.

I agreed to go outside with him for some fresh air. To my pleasant surprise, he whisked me off to where his hot flashy BMW-sports-convertible was parked! He invited me inside his sophisticated car and now the personality disorder was unleashed..Seemingly, he had carefully perfected his pick up lines and plot..he told me that he liked my energy and honesty compared to many other chicks and he felt he could let me in, on his luxurious lifestyle. He started bragging about being the richest man at the party..his real estate business, multiple properties etc..blah blah blah

 Then without notice, he drove off with me…I was getting scared since I didn’t know the guy and I had left my car behind. So I used the guise that I needed to use the bathroom back at the party, but he became very overbearing, worked his sports engine and we landed in front of a crowded club. He told me that with him I was VIP and dragged me through a sea of teenagers.

 We reached the restrooms.I was very uncomfortable when he asked me to go in the male’s restroom. I refused and darted off to the ladies line. I finally had my turn, pee-d my heart out, then I frantically just started applying my make-up while thinking what a mess I’d gotten into. Then my heart raced as the guy appeared crazier by the minute. He was knocking on my door..What a control freak!..who stalks a woman while she’s in the ladies room! I opened the door and he barged in and while he was trying to lock us inside..I was freaking out and I ran off looking for the club exit..walked outside very confused. I waited for him to come out of the restroom.. He didn’t, so I did some window shopping wondering whether I should walk 3 km back to my car in the chilly autumn weather or give this guy a second chance.

 Finally, he came out looking for me 15 minutes later doing God-knows-what in the restroom. (later when I reflect on this night, I say he must have been getting his ‘fix’ of hard drugs in the men’s room when he disappeared). He told me he still wanted to party a little bit longer just me and him but i said I liked the first party’s atmosphere better..the club was too loud and the clientele was not my cup of tea. He started making a scene in front of everybody outside and it looked like we were a couple arguing! I was feeling sick with anxiety, not sure what the guy is capable of as he was getting a little rough, was pulling me forcefully towards him and saying I should go if I don’t trust him.

 Then to his attitude raised more red flags.The craziness hit a whole new level. In a split second I saw him ran off in the middle of the street hailing a cab and pulled out a stash of dollar bills from his pocket. He ordered the driver to take me back to the party’s address and used threatening words. The driver was confused, while i was embarrassed and tried to calm him down. Next thing, he pulled away his money from the driver’s hands, insulted him and without warning left me there and stopped the next cab tailing behind. He told the 2nd driver not to F up because they had no idea what a powerful man he was and shove some dollar bills in the driver’s hands who was as bewildered as the 1st.

 The cab driver must have been terrorized, since he almost refused to drop me off at the end of the block to my parked car when we pulled outside the party. Poor guy was so worried, he insisted that he had to follow my boyfriend’s instructions because he did’t want any trouble if something would happen to me..Well that was too funny that that guy could get to people!..LOL.

 Now it makes sense why there are a lot of hopeless single women when u have several eligible bachelors running around acting like douche-bags…

Was I glad when I opened my front door and took a good sniff of the comforting smell of my home and feeling safe away from the psycho I doubt if I’ll ever come across him again since we never exchanged numbers…

I must say, as a psychologist, the first thing I thought when I read that he was hyper and talked 100 miles per minute was, “He has ADHD.”  Cleary I am a moron, as I’m sure the rest of you thought “He’s on coke.”  But, Kissing♥Connoisseur, I probably would’ve fallen into the same trap you did!  Who doesn’t love a good dance partner?!  Good job getting out of there ASAP – just like crack is whack, coke is no joke, ladies!  (I fully enjoyed my D.A.R.E. education as a 5th grader).


First Date Rules for Men

3 Oct

It had been a couple of months since I last went on a first date – so I was excited to get back in the game yesterday afternoon.  Although the date wasn’t story-worthy, it wasn’t a hit either.  I found him attractive, he had a legit job, owned his own place…but the conversation was slow.  He was going home to watch a documentary on PBS…I was going home to watch the last DVR’d episode of Jersey Shore (I didn’t tell him that).  Still, I thought he was nice enough and thought that I’d give it another shot for sure – I am a firm believer in not being able to decide whether someone is a good match after just one date.  However, it didn’t appear that he felt the same…when asking if I wanted anything else besides the one glass of wine we had each just finished, I replied with, “It’s up to you…whatever you think.”  He said one was good for him, and he was ready to head out.  He did pay the bill when I went to the bathroom, which I was glad about even though he didn’t seem interested.  However, when we left, it was pouring rain and the uptown subway was closed for weekend construction.  I said I’d wait for a cab…but he was going downtown and said he’d take off.  We exchanged a brief hug with a “Talk to you later” from him, and he was off, sprinting towards the downtown subway entrance.  It was a clear message of his disinterest…but I couldn’t help thinking that regardless of interest, the “gentlemanly” thing to do would’ve been to wait for me to hail a cab.  So, I went home, put on sweats, and pressed play on the DVR.  This date, although not really a disaster, got me thinking about how guys could really benefit from reading a list of simple rules about going on first dates.  So, I did some googling, and I found a pretty good one!  I can’t say I agree with all of them  (see #10 re: flowers – I went on a first date a few years ago with a guy who showed up in the parking lot with a red rose, and I felt pretty awkward and uncomfortable…to me, it’s too soon!  And I have to say, I think I’d be even more weirded-out by a chocolate rose, as this list suggests).  There are a few others I’d personally tweak – but, to each his own (her own?), and the list as a whole seems pretty spot on.  Unfortunately, there was no author listed – but here’s the link, so I can give credit where credit is due!

First Date Rules for Men

You’ve heard all the rules before about first dates. Now forget everything you’ve heard in the past. Here’s what you really need to know about great first dates.

1. Make the effort to look presentable. Take a shower, wear a nice outfit that’s not dirty or wrinkled, and shave when applicable. The way you present yourself to your date is a reflection to her of how would potentially treat her down the road.

2. Be on time for your date. No one likes to be kept waiting. If you’re going to be more than 10 minutes late, call her cell to let her know (and make sure you both have each other’s cell numbers prior to the date).

3. Bring gum or mints and use when necessary. Nothing turns off a date faster than bad breath. It might also be a good idea carry a tiny package of dental floss to remove food between your teeth during trips to the restroom.

4. When you finally see your date, smile and give her direct eye contact. Watch her body language closely to see if she wants a hug or a handshake. If it’s a hug, give her a firm hug, but not too hard. If it’s a handshake, give her a firm shake (but again not too tight).

5. Keep focused on your date. Don’t let your eyes wander when another girl walks in. It’s considered rude and trust us, your date will notice.

6. Do not hijack the date by only talking about yourself. Women are turned off by men who just talk about themselves. Make sure there’s a good balance of talking and listening. Also, do not “brag” about your accomplishments and/or material possessions. Women view this as insecurity. Just act naturally, and your worth will speak for itself.

7. When you converse with your date, listen to what she is saying, and validate her feelings when applicable. This is by far one of the most important things to remember. If a woman sees that you’re a good listener and can talk to you about almost anything, you are halfway there.

8. Don’t take calls on your cell during a date unless you think it’s an emergency. Leave your cell on silent or vibrate during the date.

9. When a woman looks good on a date, she’s looking good for you. And women like to hear that you noticed.

10. Be Creative. Women often get flowers on dates – and at the very beginning. Be different and surprise her in a different way by giving her flowers or a rose during the date or at the very end. Or, combine flowers with another favorite among women: a chocolate rose.

11. When you’re conversing, bring up interesting topics – world events, celebrity DUIs, global warming, the elections, travel, men’s and women’s issues etc. Ask general questions about jobs and family sparingly. Remember, it’s a date, not a job interview.

12. Remember the three Cs: Confidence, Charm, and Creativity. Have the Confidence to know that you have a lot to offer, the Charm to tell women what they want to hear, and the Creativity to be a one-of-a-kind.

13. Don’t butter up your date just to get on her good side: use compliments sparingly. Women also like guys who are independent thinkers. You don’t have to agree with everything she says (unless you really do agree). It’s okay to have differences and express other viewpoints, as long as you’re not deliberately trying to be argumentative.

14. Be flirtatious. If the conversation’s going well, gaze into your date’s eyes and see how she reacts. If she gazes back or coyly looks away, that’s a good sign. You can also do things like grab her arm or hand when making a point. If she’s into you, it should send tingles up her spine. Also to keep the sexual tension going, throw in a good innuendo here and there, but only if the mood’s right.

15. When to kiss: if you’re getting signals that your date wants to kiss, do not wait until the very end of the date – that brings on added pressure. Do it when you guys are walking, even if you both are in mid-conversation (even better, it makes the kiss appear to be spontaneous). The best way to approach this is stop her from walking, pull her in towards you with both of your arms, look into her eyes, put your hand gently on her cheek and then slowly go in for a kiss. The first kiss should be soft, tender, and without major tongue unless she initiates it first. Women are not like men: they often do not want major tongue during the first kiss. They want the first kiss to be soft and sensual. Follow up the kiss with a nice firm hug, and maybe even a few soft kisses on the cheek and neck.

16. Take charge with future plans. Don’t wait for her to suggest a second date. Be Confident and tell her you look forward to getting together again. Or if it feels right, make tentative plans right then and there. And why not? Life’s too short to play games.

17. If you don’t make immediate plans, follow up the date with a call a day or two later. Take charge and say “let’s make plans again.”

18. If things are going bad and you don’t see any potential with your date, don’t just sit there and suffer. Simply say, “Thanks for your time. I’m going to get going.”

So, what do you think, girls?  Any rules you would like to add to the list?  Hit reply and let us know!  And share with your boyfriends/husbands, so they may pass it on to their single guy friends 🙂  Maybe one day when I become rich and famous, I’ll present this list on the future equivalent of Oprah, thereby educating the younger generation of guys and making our daughters’ dating lives easier than our own!

The Mystery Men

28 Sep

Hey there!  This story comes to us from a good friend of mine.  Giving your number out to more than one guy in one night seems exciting at the time…but beware of the fall-out!  This story also illustrates why, in my opinion, texting is the devil that ruined dating for everyone in the 21st century.

Last fall, I was out at a club in Chicago and met a guy I liked who was from NYC, so I told my friends to let me stay there and I would find my own way home. NYC Guy took my number, and shortly thereafter the club was closing and there were no cabs or people I knew there.  We parted ways and  I ended up taking a cab home with two random guys (from here on out, Cab Guy #1 and Cab Guy #2) and a girl, since they were headed towards my apartment and I was desperate.  They convinced me to stop by their apartment to have a drink before heading to some other party.  By the time I got there though, I realized I just needed to go home. It had been a long night, and I didn’t take note of anyone’s name.  Cab Guy #1 took my phone number while waiting with me to catch my cab home.  Although I wasn’t that interested, I gave it to him to make the situation less awkward.
The next day, I got a text saying “Hey kid with twins on her mind, I hope you made it home safely! I was a little worried about you after that fall getting into the van cab. – Dan”  (I just looked this up by the way, amazing and dangerous how long a text record iPhones keep!) It was a 917 number, which I immediately recognized as a NYC area code.  Although I didn’t recall NYC Guy’s name being “Dan”, I also had no recollection of talking about twins or falling.  I assumed I was therefore in no position to question it, and was actually glad he used his name in the text so I knew for future interactions.    We texted back and forth a few times after that since I was traveling, and he seemed nice and we agreed to get together when I was back in town.  The following weekend, I got a text from Cab Guy #1, which completely confirmed for me that “Dan” was NYC Guy who I liked in the bar.  Since I wasn’t really interested in Cab Guy #1, I was polite but didn’t continue the conversation and stopped returning texts.
Fast forward two weeks, and Dan and I had agreed to meet up for a drink.  I decided to bring a friend and encouraged him to do so as well, since I wasn’t exactly sure I remembered what he looked like or how it would go.  When Dan and his friend walked in the door though, I immediately realized they were actually the two guy friends from the cab, Cab Guy #1 and Cab Guy #2!  I was totally confused, but it turns out “Dan” was actually Cab Guy #2, and somehow had gotten my number from his friend, Cab Guy #1! I never figured out how or why this happened – he didn’t explain the situation in any way.  So it was super awkward because 1) I had blown off Cab Guy #1, and now he was on this double date of sorts, and 2) I literally had no recollection of Cab Guy #2 who I had actually been texting with for weeks, and ended up having zero interest in him.  Needless to say, the only person I actually did have interest in – NYC Guy –  never showed up!  I was left with a really awkward situation – sitting at a table, on a double date with people I had not expected to see ever again.  I had no interest in either of these guys, but had to pretend that I knew what was happening all along!

The Italian Scoundrel

21 Sep

Hello!  I’ve been absent from the blogging world for a couple of weeks due to a much-needed vacation.  I was in Italy traveling around from city to city on an amazing tour!  I loved all of the sites, but I probably loved the incredible food (pasta! pizza!  cheese!  bread!) and wine even more.  Diet Coke there costs anywhere from $3 – $5 per can, whereas a glass of wine will only set you back about $2!  And forget about the savings when you get a bottle…let’s just say wine is the most economic of beverage choices in Italy, so I obviously had to make the responsible decision.

Although I have no exciting dating stories from the trip (our group of 12 consisted of 11 girls and a 64 year-old man who was one of the women’s husband), the alluring Italian accent of the locals brought to mind a recent dating story.  Or, should i say, a pre-dating story…

After moving back to New York last fall, I spent approximately six months living at home while I tried to find a job that would allow me to move into an apartment in the city.  The job came in December, apartment hunting began in January, and by the end of the month I signed a lease that would begin on March 1st.  For the month of February, my good friend allowed me to stay at her place in Brooklyn during the week while her husband was away on business – it cut my commute in half and allowed me to enjoy life outside of my childhood home again.  Things were looking up!  I was employed!  I was about to have a place to live!  The city began thawing out from it’s January blizzards, and I was feeling the excitement of the potential of things to come.  A friend convinced me to try out Ok Cupid – I had only tried Match in the past.  Sure, I thought, why not?  Things are settling down now, and dating seems like a good idea again.

He sent me an email first.  My finely tuned internet dating profile signal began sending off warning bleeps.  Spelling – not so good, and I’m not just talking about their, there, and they’re (which does, by the way, drive me crazy anyway).  Grammar – poor.  But then, there it was, the poorly written, three-word sentence that spoke louder than the warning bleeps:  “I from Italy.”  Italy, the country I’ve always wanted to visit!  Italy, where he and I would go each year to visit his relatives and bask in the Mediterranean sun!  I hit “reply.”  We’ll just call him “Italian” for the purposes of this story – he doesn’t really need a name.

After a couple of very short emails back and forth, he asked if I wanted to get together.  I hardly knew anything about him, but I always prefer to meet sooner rather than later – I am never interested in long-term online interaction.  So, I gave him my number.  He gave me his, but said he would call.  Superbowl Sunday, mid-guacamole dip, the phone rang.  I didn’t answer, and there was no message.  A minute later, a text came through, “This Italian, call me later.”  Okay, short…but hey, it’s a text.  Two minutes later, another phone call.  “Uh-oh”, I thought, “is he really calling again??”  My friends assured me it must’ve been a pocket-dial.  I decided I’d call back the next day.  I got home around 10 that night and put my purse down in my friend’s room as we sat in the living room and talked for a while.  Later on, I saw that I missed another call from him, no message.  I was slightly miffed at the four attempts at communication in under three hours, but I didn’t want to be rude so I sent a text – “I saw that you called; I’m heading to bed but you can try me tomorrow!”  The response:  “Okay, we talk tomorrow.”

The next day, I headed out the door and took the subway to work.  Upon exiting the station, my phone beeped its missed call notification – he had called me at 8:45am.  “Yikes”, I thought, “who is this guy??”  Again, no message.  I planned on calling back when I got home that night.  Mid-day at work, the phone rang again while I was on a call with a client – once again, no message.  I was very busy that day and didn’t want to give off the impression I was available throughout the work day, so I figured I’d call later.  Plus, I wasn’t even sure I’d want to call after all of these calls with no messages!  I headed to the gym after work and left around 6:30pm to see yet another missed call from him, and a text saying “Ok, I giving up!”  Really?  Less than 24 hours after you first called me?  I promptly returned home to my friend’s house, where she and two girls were enjoying some wine.  After rehashing the day’s events, the vote was 2-1 for calling and at least giving him a chance over the phone.  I took a deep breath and called:

Italian:  “May-lees-a!”

Me:  (all is forgiven, accent is amazing)

The call continued for five minutes or so.  He told me he was a doorman working 80 hours per week at two doorman jobs – he said he had a degree in accounting, but it was hard to find a job in that area.  My head said I didn’t want to date a doorman…but hey, he was an immigrant!  Trying to make his way in this new world!  He said he lived with his parents.  My head said I don’t want to date someone living with their parents…but hey, the whole family needs each other!  They are in a new country!  So what if he said they’ve been here for over 10 years – maybe that doesn’t seem long to them!  He asked if I could get together on Wednesday, but I already had plans.  He wouldn’t be back in the city until the following Wednesday, so I suggested we do it then.  “What, you won’t cancel your plans for me THIS Wednesday?”  I didn’t detect any hint of sarcasm in his voice, but chalked it up to cultural differences and assumed he hadn’t mastered the tone of voice needed in the art of NY sarcasm yet.  We were on for next Wednesday.

Thankfully, I didn’t hear from him before the following week – I had been worried he might be a phone stalker.  When Tuesday rolled around, I got a text from him – “We still meeting tomorrow, yes?”  I said sure and asked when and where – “6pm works for you?  Hudson Hotel?”  I confirmed and said I’d see him there.  Later on that night, I got another text from him:  “5:45 or 6pm?”  Um, really?  First, you can’t check your text log…and second, there’s only a 15-minute difference between the two!  But, I responded anyway, “6pm is good for me.”

The following day, I packed up a cute outfit and my makeup so I could freshen up after work.  I can’t say I was feeling too excited about the date, but it had been quite a long time since I’d been out with a guy, and I figured it would be good to get my feet wet again.  At 4:00, I had a conference call with a few other co-workers in the room.  Here’s what followed, as I was participating on the conference call and my cell phone was on my lap.

4:10pm – he calls, no message

4:12pm – he calls, no message

4:14pm – text message “MELISSA, ARE WE MEETING??!!”

I began getting angry.  I am in the middle of work!  I can’t respond to this right now – and what do you mean, are we meeting?  We just confirmed less than 24 hours ago!  And why are you using caps lock?  Everyone knows that means shouting!  I was not going to respond to this kind of communication, so I decided I’d wait until after the conference call.

4:26pm – he calls, no message

The conference call ended at 5 and I consulted with my co-worker about what to do.  “Give him a chance”, she said.  “He might not have meant to shout, and the worst thing that can happen is you meet him and never see him again.”  So, I called him – I can’t stand starting out a dating relationship with texts, anyway.  He doesn’t pick up!

My message, 5:07pm:

“Hi Italian, this is Melissa – I was in a meeting from 4-5 and saw afterwards that I missed three calls from you and a text asking if we’re meeting…I was definitely planning on meeting you at 6 at the Hudson Hotel like we decided yesterday, so I’m not really sure why you’re unsure – but please let me know if you’re coming because now I don’t know if you’re planning on being there.”

I waited around for a while and talked to another friend on the phone, relaying the story.  At 5:45, he called and I answered:

Me:  Hello?

Italian: Hello? (sounding sleepy)

Me:  Hi, what’s going on?

Italian:  Where are you?

Me:  Oh – are you at the hotel?!  Okay, I left you a message because I wasn’t sure if you were going.

Italian:  I sleeping.

Me:  What?  Wait, where are you?

Italian:  In my bed.

Me:  (Thinking, wait, is this about to get super sketchy??)  Um, what?  Wait, did you get my voicemail?

Italian:  Yes.  Where are you?

Me:  Well, I’m still at work because I thought we were meeting at the Hudson Hotel at 6pm.  I saw that you called three times and texted me asking if we were meeting.

Italian:  You did not write, I think you are not coming.

Me:  Well, I’m not really sure why you didn’t know if I was coming – we confirmed the time and place yesterday.  I was in a meeting and didn’t have my phone with me.

Italian:  I thought you always have phone.  I all the way in Bronx, I not coming down on long train ride if I not know you coming.

Me:  (totally frustrated and annoyed at this point, and ready to get off the phone) Well, okay then, I’m going to go.

Italian:  You not coming to hotel?

Me:  No, I’m going to head home now.  Maybe some other time.

Italian:  When?  When other time?

Me:  You can call me and maybe we’ll work something out.  Bye.

I hung up and immediately called my friend back to fill her in on the conversation.  I was feeling relieved that I didn’t meet him.  As I was talking with her, I got three text messages from him:

5:58pm:  Sorry I not come when I not no you coming!  YOU CLD B MORE FLEXABLE!

6:02pm:  I just trying to be nice and see if you coming!  I not take train from Bronx when you not coming!  And this MEETING sound like job interview!

6:04pm:  I feel bad, but I erasing your number.  Good luck to you, HA.

What?!  All I could do was laugh.  “This meeting sound like job interview”?!  What does that even mean?

The lesson here:  When dealing with someone with an accent, you are not working on a level playing field.  Take what he’s saying, then imagine hearing it in your own accent, from some guy at the local pub.  THEN, MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION ABOUT WHETHER THIS GUY IS WORTH YOUR TIME!  And yes, I am shouting that.

Is What You WANT Really What You NEED?

30 Aug

I’m a Good Morning America girl (sorry Matt Lauer) and I often enjoy their non-newsy pieces.  I found this one browsing their site recently…kind of interesting!  “Dating coach and relationship expert” April Beyer shares her thoughts about 30-somethings dating.  I checked out April’s site, Dating Advice for Women, and she seems to sum up her philosophy in one sentence:  “Most people have a very good handle on what they want, and not a clue what they need.”  This may be true, and I very well may be one of those women.  However, I can’t say I personally identify with April’s statement about 30-something women having spent so much time on their careers in their 20’s that they forgot to think about relationships.  Although I know a lot of successful women, some of whom admit that they were solely focused on work and career-building in their 20’s, I was definitely interested in finding a relationship throughout five years of grad school and another year of fellowship!  But maybe April has a point…maybe I was looking for what I wanted and not for what I needed.  Am I still doing that?  Hmmm…

Check out the video, and let me know what you think of April’s comments!

Now check out the other part of this video (I know it says Part 1, but it doesn’t matter – they’re not really in order).  Pretty funny experiment with the guys!  My fave quote: “Some 35 year-old women look like they’re 24.”

The One Week Stand

29 Aug

Happy Monday!  I hope you all survived Hurricane Irene – my hopes that it would lead to the cancellation of work today did not come true.  This next story, posted by my faithful blog follower “SupposedFormerInfatuationJunkie”, reminds me a bit of the hurricane.  Sounds like this guy swept in full force, provided some fun and excitement, and left a bit of disaster in his wake.  Thanks for sharing, Infatuation Junkie! 

The summer before I turned 25, my four year relationship ended.  At the time I was devastated, in retrospect less so about the relationship itself than the fact that I was now single in my mid-twenties, a plight I perceived at the time as being the step right before spinster crazy cat lady.  A funny notion now, as I confidently approach my 30s sans husband!

Having been a serial monogamist and finding my best friend/roommate also gainfully single, I approached that summer with the goal of finding Mr. Right Now. Not the man of my dreams, not the person I would spend the rest of my life with.  Just someone (or someones!) to have some fun with.

For me – a girl who’d gone to Catholic school her entire life, who’d approached every relationship assuming he was The One, and who had barely lost her virginity – it was exhilarating.  A few weeks later, my friend began seeing a good looking guy who happened to have a very single doctor friend coming to town, and I was asked to double date with them.  It was a very fun date, with a lot of alcohol, and I came thisclose to sleeping with him…only holding out because we were on the couch in a studio apartment and “public sex” was just not happening.

Drunkenly, we’d all agreed to a double date the next night, this time ending at our (two bedroom) apartment by the beach.  Leading up to the night out, I had a long pep talk with my friend about whether or not I’d do the Deed and we’d decided “what the hell?!”  The Texan Doctor was leaving the next day to go home, so it was no strings attached.  Why not make the most of it, why couldn’t I have a one night stand?! So later, sufficiently inebriated to keep my courage up, I had some fun!  Both boys oh so classily sent us girls “thank you” flowers the next day (gag!).

Of course, as any Catholic knows, there is no such thing as guiltless pleasure.  Some bizarre storm whipped through Texas the next day (no doubt the manifestation of God’s wrath at my lack of self control), canceling every flight into the area for 36 hours.  For days and days, the Doctor was stranded.  At first, it was a series of bonus fun, but as it meant that the Doctor missed the start of his next rotation, it meant he’d ended up with an extra week off, so he decided to stay.  Quickly it became apparent to me that our compatibility was only between the sheets, but he either didn’t see it or just didn’t care, and he stayed at my apartment day after day. Clearly I should have told him to leave, but I felt bad and guilty and confused in this uncharted territory, so I let him stay as I paid the price for my loose ways.  He left several days later and my single summer quickly derailed as I fell into another wrong relationship with another guy.

The Doctor called the next summer when he again visited his friend (who thankfully my friend was no longer seeing) but we didn’t connect.  Clearly the Cosmos had made it apparent that “just one night” doesn’t exist!

– SupposedFormerInfatuationJunkie

In the Trenches

26 Aug

Okay, I’ll go first.  As promised, here is my first story.  Aptly, it is the story of my first blind date:

It was June of 2002.  It was hot, it was humid, and I was miserable.  I had just graduated from college that May, which left me in a depressed state about “the best four years of my life” being over.  I was back home with my parents, I didn’t have a job or even any job prospects, and I was broken-hearted.  I had broken up with my college boyfriend – a decision that years later clearly made sense, but that at the time seemed like the end of the world.  That’s where Ann came in. Ann was a pedicurist who my mom had met years earlier at her regular nail/hair salon.  When Ann left the salon, she took her vibrating foot bath on-the-go and offered in-home pedicure services.  Ann has a heart of gold, but let’s just say she’s somewhat absent-minded.  She would arrive late every time and would then give you a two hour long pedicure while telling you stories about her crazy family members.  She’d spill nail polish remover on the carpet and misplace her keys, and she’d always leave something behind – a nail file or bag of cotton balls you’d find under the couch the next time you vacuumed.   I had gotten her services on multiple occasions in the past, but this particular time was different.  Remember, I was in a post-college, post-boyfriend stage of misery.  This, as well as Ann’s famous coma-inducing leg massage, clearly put me in an altered state, which explains why I ended up agreeing to what would happen next. 

While soaking my feet in warm water, I was also discussing my non-existent plans for my life.  My mom then offered her input about my love life, saying that I need to “get out there and date people.”  Not only didn’t I have a clue about how to do that (have you ever heard of “dating” in college or high school??), I also had no desire to go out with another guy, either – I knew it would only make me more upset that my college relationship was over.  However, some small piece of me must’ve known there was some adventure and excitement to be had in this new phase of life.  It was that ignorant little piece of me that said “yes” when Ann offered to set me up with someone.  

Ann said that one of her other clients had a son around my age.  She described him as very kind and helpful – he always helped her carry her things to and from the car when she was arriving or leaving.  She also mentioned he was tall, which is pretty much my number one answer when someone asks me what my “type” is.  Ann gave him my number, and he called sometime later that week.  I don’t recall the details of the phone conversation, but I know that we agreed to meet.  It struck me as somewhat strange that he wanted our first date to be at a movie theater half-way in between our parents’ houses – wasn’t a “date” supposed to involve talking?  But, what did I really know – I was an amateur.  As we were about to hang up, he casually mentioned, “See you Tuesday – I’ll be the guy in the trench coat.”  I laughed and was somewhat relieved that he made a joke to break some of the awkward tension – but I noticed that he wasn’t laughing.  “Oh well,” I thought, “He just has a dry sense of humor.”

Tuesday arrived and I put on my best movie-going attire and drove out to meet him.  My mom gave me words of encouragement (“This is good for you!  It’s good to get out there!”), as well as judgment (“Where I come from, the guy picks the girl up for a date.”)  I arrived in the parking lot a little early and got a call from him.  He said that he was visiting a friend in the hospital and was running late – he’d be there in a half-hour.  This meant that we’d miss the showing of Spiderman (yes, the first one – Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst, with the oh-so-romantic upside down kiss) we’d planned to see, and I’d have to wait in the parking lot for an extra half-hour.  But, okay, what could I do or say?  He was visiting a friend in the hospital, after all!  I listened to the radio, read an old magazine in the car, and waited.  Around the new time he was due to arrive, I walked up to the entrance of the movie theater and waited.  

Couples entered the theater, groups of friends walked by, but no solo men.  Just as I started to think we’d actually miss the next showing of Spiderman, a black Chevy Corvette, top down, pulled into the parking lot.  I saw the driver turn off the engine and unbuckle his seatbelt.  His hand then rested half-way in and out of the car door where the window was down.  He used his hand to hoist himself over the side of the door and out onto the pavement.  Why open the door when you can just jump over the side?  Crouched down a bit from the landing, I couldn’t yet see him.   “Please don’t be him, please don’t be him” I chanted over and over in my head.  But when he stood to his full height, I immediately knew.  He was tall, all right – all 6’10” of him.  And he was wearing a long, black trench coat.  As he walked towards me, he reached towards the nape of his neck.  When he pulled his hand back down, he had a hair tie around his wrist.  In slow motion, I saw him tilt his head back and shake out his long hair, which reached down the middle of his back.  He then put it back in what was his original ponytail and greeted me. 

The story ends in just the way you’d imagine.  He sauntered up to the ticket counter and said, “One for Spiderman, please” and then walked towards the snack counter, leaving me in line to buy my own ticket.  He then bought some candy without asking if there was anything I’d like, and we went into the theater.  We had quite a while before the movie began, and he told me about his upcoming annual trip to Rhode Island where his “gamer” friends meet to play whatever the equivalent of World of Warcraft was at the time.   Needless to say, that was our first and last date.  My first blind date was behind me, leaving me thrilled about the prospect of future dates to come.

Okay ladies…now it’s your turn!  Submit away!

The Usual Suspects

25 Aug

My friend Kristin shared this link with me…I can definitely relate.  Authors Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich sure know their way around the online dating world – maybe they have a story to share!  I also love that this was posted on CNN – see, dating is serious business!  Check out the article for some knowing laughs!

Online dating?  Why no one wants you  by Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich, Special to CNN

Submissions Please!

24 Aug

So…I need your help!   The Dish-a-Date page (always available at the top of the main page) is your forum to submit your disastrous dating stories!  Some guidelines for what to share are available there.  So, click on Dish-a-Date and type your little dater’s heart out!

Stay tuned for my first personal story, coming soon!


24 Aug
Hello!  Welcome to DaterBeware – so glad you’re here!  Check out my Dater’s Deets section to find out more about this blog and how it got started.  Basically, this is a blog devoted to bad/incredulous dates and the girls who go on them.  When I consider the number of friends who have shared a good laugh with me when I’ve shared my latest story, I smile thinking about the exponentially higher number of those of you out there who could do the same by reading each others’ disastrous accounts!  I’ll share my own stories, and I want to hear yours too.  Go ahead and laugh…you know you want to!