First Date Rules for Men

3 Oct

It had been a couple of months since I last went on a first date – so I was excited to get back in the game yesterday afternoon.  Although the date wasn’t story-worthy, it wasn’t a hit either.  I found him attractive, he had a legit job, owned his own place…but the conversation was slow.  He was going home to watch a documentary on PBS…I was going home to watch the last DVR’d episode of Jersey Shore (I didn’t tell him that).  Still, I thought he was nice enough and thought that I’d give it another shot for sure – I am a firm believer in not being able to decide whether someone is a good match after just one date.  However, it didn’t appear that he felt the same…when asking if I wanted anything else besides the one glass of wine we had each just finished, I replied with, “It’s up to you…whatever you think.”  He said one was good for him, and he was ready to head out.  He did pay the bill when I went to the bathroom, which I was glad about even though he didn’t seem interested.  However, when we left, it was pouring rain and the uptown subway was closed for weekend construction.  I said I’d wait for a cab…but he was going downtown and said he’d take off.  We exchanged a brief hug with a “Talk to you later” from him, and he was off, sprinting towards the downtown subway entrance.  It was a clear message of his disinterest…but I couldn’t help thinking that regardless of interest, the “gentlemanly” thing to do would’ve been to wait for me to hail a cab.  So, I went home, put on sweats, and pressed play on the DVR.  This date, although not really a disaster, got me thinking about how guys could really benefit from reading a list of simple rules about going on first dates.  So, I did some googling, and I found a pretty good one!  I can’t say I agree with all of them  (see #10 re: flowers – I went on a first date a few years ago with a guy who showed up in the parking lot with a red rose, and I felt pretty awkward and uncomfortable…to me, it’s too soon!  And I have to say, I think I’d be even more weirded-out by a chocolate rose, as this list suggests).  There are a few others I’d personally tweak – but, to each his own (her own?), and the list as a whole seems pretty spot on.  Unfortunately, there was no author listed – but here’s the link, so I can give credit where credit is due!

First Date Rules for Men

You’ve heard all the rules before about first dates. Now forget everything you’ve heard in the past. Here’s what you really need to know about great first dates.

1. Make the effort to look presentable. Take a shower, wear a nice outfit that’s not dirty or wrinkled, and shave when applicable. The way you present yourself to your date is a reflection to her of how would potentially treat her down the road.

2. Be on time for your date. No one likes to be kept waiting. If you’re going to be more than 10 minutes late, call her cell to let her know (and make sure you both have each other’s cell numbers prior to the date).

3. Bring gum or mints and use when necessary. Nothing turns off a date faster than bad breath. It might also be a good idea carry a tiny package of dental floss to remove food between your teeth during trips to the restroom.

4. When you finally see your date, smile and give her direct eye contact. Watch her body language closely to see if she wants a hug or a handshake. If it’s a hug, give her a firm hug, but not too hard. If it’s a handshake, give her a firm shake (but again not too tight).

5. Keep focused on your date. Don’t let your eyes wander when another girl walks in. It’s considered rude and trust us, your date will notice.

6. Do not hijack the date by only talking about yourself. Women are turned off by men who just talk about themselves. Make sure there’s a good balance of talking and listening. Also, do not “brag” about your accomplishments and/or material possessions. Women view this as insecurity. Just act naturally, and your worth will speak for itself.

7. When you converse with your date, listen to what she is saying, and validate her feelings when applicable. This is by far one of the most important things to remember. If a woman sees that you’re a good listener and can talk to you about almost anything, you are halfway there.

8. Don’t take calls on your cell during a date unless you think it’s an emergency. Leave your cell on silent or vibrate during the date.

9. When a woman looks good on a date, she’s looking good for you. And women like to hear that you noticed.

10. Be Creative. Women often get flowers on dates – and at the very beginning. Be different and surprise her in a different way by giving her flowers or a rose during the date or at the very end. Or, combine flowers with another favorite among women: a chocolate rose.

11. When you’re conversing, bring up interesting topics – world events, celebrity DUIs, global warming, the elections, travel, men’s and women’s issues etc. Ask general questions about jobs and family sparingly. Remember, it’s a date, not a job interview.

12. Remember the three Cs: Confidence, Charm, and Creativity. Have the Confidence to know that you have a lot to offer, the Charm to tell women what they want to hear, and the Creativity to be a one-of-a-kind.

13. Don’t butter up your date just to get on her good side: use compliments sparingly. Women also like guys who are independent thinkers. You don’t have to agree with everything she says (unless you really do agree). It’s okay to have differences and express other viewpoints, as long as you’re not deliberately trying to be argumentative.

14. Be flirtatious. If the conversation’s going well, gaze into your date’s eyes and see how she reacts. If she gazes back or coyly looks away, that’s a good sign. You can also do things like grab her arm or hand when making a point. If she’s into you, it should send tingles up her spine. Also to keep the sexual tension going, throw in a good innuendo here and there, but only if the mood’s right.

15. When to kiss: if you’re getting signals that your date wants to kiss, do not wait until the very end of the date – that brings on added pressure. Do it when you guys are walking, even if you both are in mid-conversation (even better, it makes the kiss appear to be spontaneous). The best way to approach this is stop her from walking, pull her in towards you with both of your arms, look into her eyes, put your hand gently on her cheek and then slowly go in for a kiss. The first kiss should be soft, tender, and without major tongue unless she initiates it first. Women are not like men: they often do not want major tongue during the first kiss. They want the first kiss to be soft and sensual. Follow up the kiss with a nice firm hug, and maybe even a few soft kisses on the cheek and neck.

16. Take charge with future plans. Don’t wait for her to suggest a second date. Be Confident and tell her you look forward to getting together again. Or if it feels right, make tentative plans right then and there. And why not? Life’s too short to play games.

17. If you don’t make immediate plans, follow up the date with a call a day or two later. Take charge and say “let’s make plans again.”

18. If things are going bad and you don’t see any potential with your date, don’t just sit there and suffer. Simply say, “Thanks for your time. I’m going to get going.”

So, what do you think, girls?  Any rules you would like to add to the list?  Hit reply and let us know!  And share with your boyfriends/husbands, so they may pass it on to their single guy friends 🙂  Maybe one day when I become rich and famous, I’ll present this list on the future equivalent of Oprah, thereby educating the younger generation of guys and making our daughters’ dating lives easier than our own!


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