Archive | October, 2011

We met at a bar…

24 Oct

This next story is my own – a blast from the past from my first foray into online dating.  Looking back, it now seems fitting that my first online dating experience was comically disastrous.  It was just a sign of things to come!

For the first two years after college, I lived in DC with all of my college friends.  It was like an extension of college – all the same people, just in a different place.  I lived in a brownstone that was divided into four apartments, three of which were full of girls from school.  We had barbecues on our back deck, went out to the bars together in Georgetown and Adams Morgan, and watched “Autobiography”, the sensational MTV reality show about Ashlee Simpson.  It was a wonderful couple of years and, looking back, it seems ridiculous that I tried online dating at that time.  But, I think it was boredom that eventually led my good friend and I to match.com.  Although we were having fun, we were constantly spending time with the same guys we had been around for the past 6 years.  We knew there was more out there, and we thought it would be fun to jump into the online dating world together.

I got my first email from Alex Sampson months before we actually met.  He was new to online dating too, so we exchanged a million emails before moving on to the actual meet-up.  I learned a lot about him during this time – about his family, his job, his friends.  Once we exchanged information about the colleges we had attended, he revealed that he worked with someone from my school.  When he mentioned Jonah’s name, I could hardly believe it.  Not only did I know Jonah, our groups of friends spent a lot of time together in DC.  There had always been a harmless flirtation between Jonah and I, but there was nothing more to it.  I immediately wanted to email him to ask him to give me more dirt on Alex, when I was stopped in my tracks by a sentence in Alex’s email:  “Jonah doesn’t know I am doing match.com – nobody in my office does.”  I laughed at first because I knew that Jonah was an avid Jdater, already searching for the perfect Jewish girl.  I also knew that Jonah advertised this fact the same way he talked about what he ate for dinner the night before, so I mentioned it to Alex.  Alex knew all about Jonah’s online dating – he shared some funny quips about Jonah’s sharing profiles with his office mates.  Still, Alex was not comfortable telling Jonah, or anyone for that matter, about his own online dating life.  Although I wasn’t going around advertising my match.com membership, I didn’t mind if people knew – but I respected Alex’s wish for privacy and held back from asking Jonah about him.

Shortly after the revelation of the Alex/Jonah connection, Alex finally asked me out.  I got an email from him on a Wednesday.  He asked me to meet him at Clyde’s, a popular bar/restaurant, the next Tuesday.  I said yes, and received an email back saying he was looking forward to it.  But, Alex was no dummy.  Also in the email:  “So, I couldn’t resist asking Jonah about you!  I told him that I randomly met you out at Clyde’s this past week.  I figured it wasn’t too much of a lie since we’re actually going there next week.  So, if he asks, just go along with it!”  Greaaaat.  Although this actually gave me an “in” to be able to ask Jonah about Alex, I preferred to say nothing because I have never been a good liar.  I just wanted to avoid seeing Jonah between Thursday and Tuesday so that I wouldn’t have to discuss it and blow Alex’s cover with my inability to keep a straight face.  In the meantime, I began thinking about what I’d wear on the long-awaited date, how I’d do my hair, etc.  I had fashion shows with the girls at home and began getting excited (remember, this was my very first online date).

That Saturday, my night started off in a pretty typical way.  A bunch of the girls and I went over to Adams Morgan to pre-game at our friend’s apartment (pre-gaming was a very important ritual at the time).  About 30 minutes into Power Hour, I went to the bathroom.  Halfway through peeing, two of my girlfriends busted into the bathroom, nearly taking the door down.  “What?!”, I screamed.  Their faces held expressions of shock, gravity, and amusement, all at the same time.  “Alex Sampson is here”, one of them finally said.  I was so confused.  It was my turn for an expression of shock and gravity, but there was no amusement in it for me.  “He just walked in with Jonah and two other guys”, they continued.  Of course.  Jonah was also friends with the pre-game hostess.  Of course this would be the night that he happened to bring a few co-workers along with him.  I knew from Alex’s emails that he lived 45 minutes outside of DC, so he didn’t make it into the city to go out much.  Why tonight?!  My thoughts and comments to the girls went from, “Why is he here?” to “This is NOT the outfit I was going to wear on our date!” to “Oh no, I have to pretend that I already know him!!”  I took some deep breaths and left the bathroom as calm, cool, and collected as possible, nonchalantly tossing my hair over my shoulder and laughing, as if the girls and I had just been touching up our makeup and sharing funny stories.

I entered the living room and spotted Jonah talking with three guys, one of whom was clearly Alex Sampson, just as he appeared in the photos.  Jonah began introducing me to them:  “This is Chris, and Max, and, of course, you already know Alex!”  I think the awkwardness of the moment has blocked out my actual reaction from my memory.  I can’t clearly remember what kind of fake response I mumbled to go along with the fact that I was supposed to know him, along with trying to manage my reaction to actually meeting him for the first time.  I do know there was a very awkward hug involved.  We ended up sitting on the couch and talking for a while.  He was perfectly nice and was attractive, and although it was somewhat fun, the strangeness of the situation overtook the enjoyment.  When he went to the bathroom, Jonah cozied up next to me on the couch and peppered me with questions:  “So…tell me everything!  How did he approach you at the bar?  Did you like him right away?”  Ugh, it was my lying nightmare, taking me back to high school when I had to lie to my parents about there being boys at the party.  But, I kept Alex’s secret.  We all went to the bars and Alex left shortly afterwards because he had a long drive home.

As if the night wasn’t tumultuous enough, there was even more fun to come.  After Alex left, Jonah came over to talk to me.  He asked me more questions, and I finally turned it around on him and asked him to give me the dirt on Alex.  He basically told me all good things about their work relationship but didn’t have much info other than that.  Throughout the rest of the night, I couldn’t help but notice that Jonah was being more “touchy-feely” than usual.  As I mentioned earlier, there had always been a harmless flirtation between us.  However, this seemed different.  And I knew I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying it.  By the end of the night, he called it like it was.  He told me he was interested in me, that he’d like to go out on a date, but now he didn’t want to step on Alex’s toes.  Could this night get any more ridiculous?!  I wanted to scream out, “I NEVER EVEN MET ALEX BEFORE TONIGHT!!!  WE’VE EXCHANGED NOTHING BUT EMAILS!!”  But, I really did want to go on that date with Alex and get to know him, so I didn’t want to out him.  Still, being 23, I was enjoying the attention from Jonah and didn’t want to close that door for someone I had just met in person an hour earlier.  So, after a few harmless, tension-filled “forbidden kisses” outside Jonah’s building doorway, I got in a cab and headed home.

The hijinks basically ended there.  I did go out with Alex the following week and we had a handful of dates afterwards.  I put Jonah on the back burner and tried to see where things with Alex would go.  After several dates, I just wasn’t feeling it with Alex and I had to let him know I wasn’t interested in dating anymore.  Once it was over, Jonah and I “gave it a go” (read: a few drunken nights out with friends).  We quickly realized that there wasn’t much more there than flirtatious tension, which was a good thing since me not being Jewish would’ve been a deal-breaker for the son of a rabbi.  I was Alex-less, and Jonah-less, and had been catapulted into the exciting world of dating to come for the next 8 years (and counting).

Well, I hope you all enjoyed some laughs at my expense.  And, I hope that this story will inspire you to share more of your own!  An important comment about this story – Alex Sampson was a pretty great guy.  Looking back, I was just not at a point in my life where I was actually looking for a relationship, although I didn’t really know it at the time.  Strange as it seems, Alex Sampson gives me hope that there are some good online dating prospects out there!  Hmmm, I wonder where Alex Sampson is these days?  This might call for a Facebook project.

Advertisements

Yikes. He’s a Psycho.

13 Oct

creeptastic

Exciting moment for me!  This is the first story I’ve gotten from a dater out there who I don’t already know!  My other stories have come from my loyal friends, indulging me in my extracurricular endeavor of keeping this blog.  Imagine my excitement when I received this story from my new blog follower, “Kissing♥Connoisseur” (love the name, by the way).  What do you do when you meet someone who turns out to be a total psycho?  Read on and find out.  Excellent first non-friend share, Ms. K.C.! 

I dropped by at a party and didn’t know most people there who were busy talking to acquaintances, so I chilled out in the same spot next to a guy and his guy friend. By the time he understands I was alone, he introduced me to himself and friend. Then his friend had to leave so he started giving me his undivided attention. We were fantastic dance partners,he brought me cocktails in between, he touched me tenderly, it was getting very romantic and he looked cute—but something was very odd about him, he appeared very hyper, jerked around a lot and made gestures while he talked a 100 km/hr.

I agreed to go outside with him for some fresh air. To my pleasant surprise, he whisked me off to where his hot flashy BMW-sports-convertible was parked! He invited me inside his sophisticated car and now the personality disorder was unleashed..Seemingly, he had carefully perfected his pick up lines and plot..he told me that he liked my energy and honesty compared to many other chicks and he felt he could let me in, on his luxurious lifestyle. He started bragging about being the richest man at the party..his real estate business, multiple properties etc..blah blah blah

 Then without notice, he drove off with me…I was getting scared since I didn’t know the guy and I had left my car behind. So I used the guise that I needed to use the bathroom back at the party, but he became very overbearing, worked his sports engine and we landed in front of a crowded club. He told me that with him I was VIP and dragged me through a sea of teenagers.

 We reached the restrooms.I was very uncomfortable when he asked me to go in the male’s restroom. I refused and darted off to the ladies line. I finally had my turn, pee-d my heart out, then I frantically just started applying my make-up while thinking what a mess I’d gotten into. Then my heart raced as the guy appeared crazier by the minute. He was knocking on my door..What a control freak!..who stalks a woman while she’s in the ladies room! I opened the door and he barged in and while he was trying to lock us inside..I was freaking out and I ran off looking for the club exit..walked outside very confused. I waited for him to come out of the restroom.. He didn’t, so I did some window shopping wondering whether I should walk 3 km back to my car in the chilly autumn weather or give this guy a second chance.

 Finally, he came out looking for me 15 minutes later doing God-knows-what in the restroom. (later when I reflect on this night, I say he must have been getting his ‘fix’ of hard drugs in the men’s room when he disappeared). He told me he still wanted to party a little bit longer just me and him but i said I liked the first party’s atmosphere better..the club was too loud and the clientele was not my cup of tea. He started making a scene in front of everybody outside and it looked like we were a couple arguing! I was feeling sick with anxiety, not sure what the guy is capable of as he was getting a little rough, was pulling me forcefully towards him and saying I should go if I don’t trust him.

 Then to his attitude raised more red flags.The craziness hit a whole new level. In a split second I saw him ran off in the middle of the street hailing a cab and pulled out a stash of dollar bills from his pocket. He ordered the driver to take me back to the party’s address and used threatening words. The driver was confused, while i was embarrassed and tried to calm him down. Next thing, he pulled away his money from the driver’s hands, insulted him and without warning left me there and stopped the next cab tailing behind. He told the 2nd driver not to F up because they had no idea what a powerful man he was and shove some dollar bills in the driver’s hands who was as bewildered as the 1st.

 The cab driver must have been terrorized, since he almost refused to drop me off at the end of the block to my parked car when we pulled outside the party. Poor guy was so worried, he insisted that he had to follow my boyfriend’s instructions because he did’t want any trouble if something would happen to me..Well that was too funny that that guy could get to people!..LOL.

 Now it makes sense why there are a lot of hopeless single women when u have several eligible bachelors running around acting like douche-bags…

Was I glad when I opened my front door and took a good sniff of the comforting smell of my home and feeling safe away from the psycho I doubt if I’ll ever come across him again since we never exchanged numbers…

I must say, as a psychologist, the first thing I thought when I read that he was hyper and talked 100 miles per minute was, “He has ADHD.”  Cleary I am a moron, as I’m sure the rest of you thought “He’s on coke.”  But, Kissing♥Connoisseur, I probably would’ve fallen into the same trap you did!  Who doesn’t love a good dance partner?!  Good job getting out of there ASAP – just like crack is whack, coke is no joke, ladies!  (I fully enjoyed my D.A.R.E. education as a 5th grader).

First Date Rules for Men

3 Oct

It had been a couple of months since I last went on a first date – so I was excited to get back in the game yesterday afternoon.  Although the date wasn’t story-worthy, it wasn’t a hit either.  I found him attractive, he had a legit job, owned his own place…but the conversation was slow.  He was going home to watch a documentary on PBS…I was going home to watch the last DVR’d episode of Jersey Shore (I didn’t tell him that).  Still, I thought he was nice enough and thought that I’d give it another shot for sure – I am a firm believer in not being able to decide whether someone is a good match after just one date.  However, it didn’t appear that he felt the same…when asking if I wanted anything else besides the one glass of wine we had each just finished, I replied with, “It’s up to you…whatever you think.”  He said one was good for him, and he was ready to head out.  He did pay the bill when I went to the bathroom, which I was glad about even though he didn’t seem interested.  However, when we left, it was pouring rain and the uptown subway was closed for weekend construction.  I said I’d wait for a cab…but he was going downtown and said he’d take off.  We exchanged a brief hug with a “Talk to you later” from him, and he was off, sprinting towards the downtown subway entrance.  It was a clear message of his disinterest…but I couldn’t help thinking that regardless of interest, the “gentlemanly” thing to do would’ve been to wait for me to hail a cab.  So, I went home, put on sweats, and pressed play on the DVR.  This date, although not really a disaster, got me thinking about how guys could really benefit from reading a list of simple rules about going on first dates.  So, I did some googling, and I found a pretty good one!  I can’t say I agree with all of them  (see #10 re: flowers – I went on a first date a few years ago with a guy who showed up in the parking lot with a red rose, and I felt pretty awkward and uncomfortable…to me, it’s too soon!  And I have to say, I think I’d be even more weirded-out by a chocolate rose, as this list suggests).  There are a few others I’d personally tweak – but, to each his own (her own?), and the list as a whole seems pretty spot on.  Unfortunately, there was no author listed – but here’s the link, so I can give credit where credit is due!

First Date Rules for Men

You’ve heard all the rules before about first dates. Now forget everything you’ve heard in the past. Here’s what you really need to know about great first dates.

1. Make the effort to look presentable. Take a shower, wear a nice outfit that’s not dirty or wrinkled, and shave when applicable. The way you present yourself to your date is a reflection to her of how would potentially treat her down the road.

2. Be on time for your date. No one likes to be kept waiting. If you’re going to be more than 10 minutes late, call her cell to let her know (and make sure you both have each other’s cell numbers prior to the date).

3. Bring gum or mints and use when necessary. Nothing turns off a date faster than bad breath. It might also be a good idea carry a tiny package of dental floss to remove food between your teeth during trips to the restroom.

4. When you finally see your date, smile and give her direct eye contact. Watch her body language closely to see if she wants a hug or a handshake. If it’s a hug, give her a firm hug, but not too hard. If it’s a handshake, give her a firm shake (but again not too tight).

5. Keep focused on your date. Don’t let your eyes wander when another girl walks in. It’s considered rude and trust us, your date will notice.

6. Do not hijack the date by only talking about yourself. Women are turned off by men who just talk about themselves. Make sure there’s a good balance of talking and listening. Also, do not “brag” about your accomplishments and/or material possessions. Women view this as insecurity. Just act naturally, and your worth will speak for itself.

7. When you converse with your date, listen to what she is saying, and validate her feelings when applicable. This is by far one of the most important things to remember. If a woman sees that you’re a good listener and can talk to you about almost anything, you are halfway there.

8. Don’t take calls on your cell during a date unless you think it’s an emergency. Leave your cell on silent or vibrate during the date.

9. When a woman looks good on a date, she’s looking good for you. And women like to hear that you noticed.

10. Be Creative. Women often get flowers on dates – and at the very beginning. Be different and surprise her in a different way by giving her flowers or a rose during the date or at the very end. Or, combine flowers with another favorite among women: a chocolate rose.

11. When you’re conversing, bring up interesting topics – world events, celebrity DUIs, global warming, the elections, travel, men’s and women’s issues etc. Ask general questions about jobs and family sparingly. Remember, it’s a date, not a job interview.

12. Remember the three Cs: Confidence, Charm, and Creativity. Have the Confidence to know that you have a lot to offer, the Charm to tell women what they want to hear, and the Creativity to be a one-of-a-kind.

13. Don’t butter up your date just to get on her good side: use compliments sparingly. Women also like guys who are independent thinkers. You don’t have to agree with everything she says (unless you really do agree). It’s okay to have differences and express other viewpoints, as long as you’re not deliberately trying to be argumentative.

14. Be flirtatious. If the conversation’s going well, gaze into your date’s eyes and see how she reacts. If she gazes back or coyly looks away, that’s a good sign. You can also do things like grab her arm or hand when making a point. If she’s into you, it should send tingles up her spine. Also to keep the sexual tension going, throw in a good innuendo here and there, but only if the mood’s right.

15. When to kiss: if you’re getting signals that your date wants to kiss, do not wait until the very end of the date – that brings on added pressure. Do it when you guys are walking, even if you both are in mid-conversation (even better, it makes the kiss appear to be spontaneous). The best way to approach this is stop her from walking, pull her in towards you with both of your arms, look into her eyes, put your hand gently on her cheek and then slowly go in for a kiss. The first kiss should be soft, tender, and without major tongue unless she initiates it first. Women are not like men: they often do not want major tongue during the first kiss. They want the first kiss to be soft and sensual. Follow up the kiss with a nice firm hug, and maybe even a few soft kisses on the cheek and neck.

16. Take charge with future plans. Don’t wait for her to suggest a second date. Be Confident and tell her you look forward to getting together again. Or if it feels right, make tentative plans right then and there. And why not? Life’s too short to play games.

17. If you don’t make immediate plans, follow up the date with a call a day or two later. Take charge and say “let’s make plans again.”

18. If things are going bad and you don’t see any potential with your date, don’t just sit there and suffer. Simply say, “Thanks for your time. I’m going to get going.”

So, what do you think, girls?  Any rules you would like to add to the list?  Hit reply and let us know!  And share with your boyfriends/husbands, so they may pass it on to their single guy friends 🙂  Maybe one day when I become rich and famous, I’ll present this list on the future equivalent of Oprah, thereby educating the younger generation of guys and making our daughters’ dating lives easier than our own!