Archive | August, 2011

Is What You WANT Really What You NEED?

30 Aug

I’m a Good Morning America girl (sorry Matt Lauer) and I often enjoy their non-newsy pieces.  I found this one browsing their site recently…kind of interesting!  “Dating coach and relationship expert” April Beyer shares her thoughts about 30-somethings dating.  I checked out April’s site, Dating Advice for Women, and she seems to sum up her philosophy in one sentence:  “Most people have a very good handle on what they want, and not a clue what they need.”  This may be true, and I very well may be one of those women.  However, I can’t say I personally identify with April’s statement about 30-something women having spent so much time on their careers in their 20’s that they forgot to think about relationships.  Although I know a lot of successful women, some of whom admit that they were solely focused on work and career-building in their 20’s, I was definitely interested in finding a relationship throughout five years of grad school and another year of fellowship!  But maybe April has a point…maybe I was looking for what I wanted and not for what I needed.  Am I still doing that?  Hmmm…

Check out the video, and let me know what you think of April’s comments!

Now check out the other part of this video (I know it says Part 1, but it doesn’t matter – they’re not really in order).  Pretty funny experiment with the guys!  My fave quote: “Some 35 year-old women look like they’re 24.”


The One Week Stand

29 Aug

Happy Monday!  I hope you all survived Hurricane Irene – my hopes that it would lead to the cancellation of work today did not come true.  This next story, posted by my faithful blog follower “SupposedFormerInfatuationJunkie”, reminds me a bit of the hurricane.  Sounds like this guy swept in full force, provided some fun and excitement, and left a bit of disaster in his wake.  Thanks for sharing, Infatuation Junkie! 

The summer before I turned 25, my four year relationship ended.  At the time I was devastated, in retrospect less so about the relationship itself than the fact that I was now single in my mid-twenties, a plight I perceived at the time as being the step right before spinster crazy cat lady.  A funny notion now, as I confidently approach my 30s sans husband!

Having been a serial monogamist and finding my best friend/roommate also gainfully single, I approached that summer with the goal of finding Mr. Right Now. Not the man of my dreams, not the person I would spend the rest of my life with.  Just someone (or someones!) to have some fun with.

For me – a girl who’d gone to Catholic school her entire life, who’d approached every relationship assuming he was The One, and who had barely lost her virginity – it was exhilarating.  A few weeks later, my friend began seeing a good looking guy who happened to have a very single doctor friend coming to town, and I was asked to double date with them.  It was a very fun date, with a lot of alcohol, and I came thisclose to sleeping with him…only holding out because we were on the couch in a studio apartment and “public sex” was just not happening.

Drunkenly, we’d all agreed to a double date the next night, this time ending at our (two bedroom) apartment by the beach.  Leading up to the night out, I had a long pep talk with my friend about whether or not I’d do the Deed and we’d decided “what the hell?!”  The Texan Doctor was leaving the next day to go home, so it was no strings attached.  Why not make the most of it, why couldn’t I have a one night stand?! So later, sufficiently inebriated to keep my courage up, I had some fun!  Both boys oh so classily sent us girls “thank you” flowers the next day (gag!).

Of course, as any Catholic knows, there is no such thing as guiltless pleasure.  Some bizarre storm whipped through Texas the next day (no doubt the manifestation of God’s wrath at my lack of self control), canceling every flight into the area for 36 hours.  For days and days, the Doctor was stranded.  At first, it was a series of bonus fun, but as it meant that the Doctor missed the start of his next rotation, it meant he’d ended up with an extra week off, so he decided to stay.  Quickly it became apparent to me that our compatibility was only between the sheets, but he either didn’t see it or just didn’t care, and he stayed at my apartment day after day. Clearly I should have told him to leave, but I felt bad and guilty and confused in this uncharted territory, so I let him stay as I paid the price for my loose ways.  He left several days later and my single summer quickly derailed as I fell into another wrong relationship with another guy.

The Doctor called the next summer when he again visited his friend (who thankfully my friend was no longer seeing) but we didn’t connect.  Clearly the Cosmos had made it apparent that “just one night” doesn’t exist!

– SupposedFormerInfatuationJunkie

In the Trenches

26 Aug

Okay, I’ll go first.  As promised, here is my first story.  Aptly, it is the story of my first blind date:

It was June of 2002.  It was hot, it was humid, and I was miserable.  I had just graduated from college that May, which left me in a depressed state about “the best four years of my life” being over.  I was back home with my parents, I didn’t have a job or even any job prospects, and I was broken-hearted.  I had broken up with my college boyfriend – a decision that years later clearly made sense, but that at the time seemed like the end of the world.  That’s where Ann came in. Ann was a pedicurist who my mom had met years earlier at her regular nail/hair salon.  When Ann left the salon, she took her vibrating foot bath on-the-go and offered in-home pedicure services.  Ann has a heart of gold, but let’s just say she’s somewhat absent-minded.  She would arrive late every time and would then give you a two hour long pedicure while telling you stories about her crazy family members.  She’d spill nail polish remover on the carpet and misplace her keys, and she’d always leave something behind – a nail file or bag of cotton balls you’d find under the couch the next time you vacuumed.   I had gotten her services on multiple occasions in the past, but this particular time was different.  Remember, I was in a post-college, post-boyfriend stage of misery.  This, as well as Ann’s famous coma-inducing leg massage, clearly put me in an altered state, which explains why I ended up agreeing to what would happen next. 

While soaking my feet in warm water, I was also discussing my non-existent plans for my life.  My mom then offered her input about my love life, saying that I need to “get out there and date people.”  Not only didn’t I have a clue about how to do that (have you ever heard of “dating” in college or high school??), I also had no desire to go out with another guy, either – I knew it would only make me more upset that my college relationship was over.  However, some small piece of me must’ve known there was some adventure and excitement to be had in this new phase of life.  It was that ignorant little piece of me that said “yes” when Ann offered to set me up with someone.  

Ann said that one of her other clients had a son around my age.  She described him as very kind and helpful – he always helped her carry her things to and from the car when she was arriving or leaving.  She also mentioned he was tall, which is pretty much my number one answer when someone asks me what my “type” is.  Ann gave him my number, and he called sometime later that week.  I don’t recall the details of the phone conversation, but I know that we agreed to meet.  It struck me as somewhat strange that he wanted our first date to be at a movie theater half-way in between our parents’ houses – wasn’t a “date” supposed to involve talking?  But, what did I really know – I was an amateur.  As we were about to hang up, he casually mentioned, “See you Tuesday – I’ll be the guy in the trench coat.”  I laughed and was somewhat relieved that he made a joke to break some of the awkward tension – but I noticed that he wasn’t laughing.  “Oh well,” I thought, “He just has a dry sense of humor.”

Tuesday arrived and I put on my best movie-going attire and drove out to meet him.  My mom gave me words of encouragement (“This is good for you!  It’s good to get out there!”), as well as judgment (“Where I come from, the guy picks the girl up for a date.”)  I arrived in the parking lot a little early and got a call from him.  He said that he was visiting a friend in the hospital and was running late – he’d be there in a half-hour.  This meant that we’d miss the showing of Spiderman (yes, the first one – Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst, with the oh-so-romantic upside down kiss) we’d planned to see, and I’d have to wait in the parking lot for an extra half-hour.  But, okay, what could I do or say?  He was visiting a friend in the hospital, after all!  I listened to the radio, read an old magazine in the car, and waited.  Around the new time he was due to arrive, I walked up to the entrance of the movie theater and waited.  

Couples entered the theater, groups of friends walked by, but no solo men.  Just as I started to think we’d actually miss the next showing of Spiderman, a black Chevy Corvette, top down, pulled into the parking lot.  I saw the driver turn off the engine and unbuckle his seatbelt.  His hand then rested half-way in and out of the car door where the window was down.  He used his hand to hoist himself over the side of the door and out onto the pavement.  Why open the door when you can just jump over the side?  Crouched down a bit from the landing, I couldn’t yet see him.   “Please don’t be him, please don’t be him” I chanted over and over in my head.  But when he stood to his full height, I immediately knew.  He was tall, all right – all 6’10” of him.  And he was wearing a long, black trench coat.  As he walked towards me, he reached towards the nape of his neck.  When he pulled his hand back down, he had a hair tie around his wrist.  In slow motion, I saw him tilt his head back and shake out his long hair, which reached down the middle of his back.  He then put it back in what was his original ponytail and greeted me. 

The story ends in just the way you’d imagine.  He sauntered up to the ticket counter and said, “One for Spiderman, please” and then walked towards the snack counter, leaving me in line to buy my own ticket.  He then bought some candy without asking if there was anything I’d like, and we went into the theater.  We had quite a while before the movie began, and he told me about his upcoming annual trip to Rhode Island where his “gamer” friends meet to play whatever the equivalent of World of Warcraft was at the time.   Needless to say, that was our first and last date.  My first blind date was behind me, leaving me thrilled about the prospect of future dates to come.

Okay ladies…now it’s your turn!  Submit away!

The Usual Suspects

25 Aug

My friend Kristin shared this link with me…I can definitely relate.  Authors Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich sure know their way around the online dating world – maybe they have a story to share!  I also love that this was posted on CNN – see, dating is serious business!  Check out the article for some knowing laughs!

Online dating?  Why no one wants you  by Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich, Special to CNN

Submissions Please!

24 Aug

So…I need your help!   The Dish-a-Date page (always available at the top of the main page) is your forum to submit your disastrous dating stories!  Some guidelines for what to share are available there.  So, click on Dish-a-Date and type your little dater’s heart out!

Stay tuned for my first personal story, coming soon!


24 Aug
Hello!  Welcome to DaterBeware – so glad you’re here!  Check out my Dater’s Deets section to find out more about this blog and how it got started.  Basically, this is a blog devoted to bad/incredulous dates and the girls who go on them.  When I consider the number of friends who have shared a good laugh with me when I’ve shared my latest story, I smile thinking about the exponentially higher number of those of you out there who could do the same by reading each others’ disastrous accounts!  I’ll share my own stories, and I want to hear yours too.  Go ahead and laugh…you know you want to!